Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Less talking, more tequila
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
