Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
