It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
