She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
