This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
