How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
this is an emotional support booty call
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
