you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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