dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
A bitchslap is in order.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
