i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize