so that wasnt chicken after all
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
