I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
