Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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