Yo dont text me then not text me
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
