You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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