It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
