im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
