I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I don't deserve a penis
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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