So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
