come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
