So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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