No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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