I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
