my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
