I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
