OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
