i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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