I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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