Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
