Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
