awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm experimenting with sincerity
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize