Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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