He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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