Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
