if you like me you must not know who I am
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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