Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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