you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
