he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
