I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
