Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Randomize
