you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
she was so not down for the gang bang
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
