Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
