So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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