He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
