So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
