Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize