also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
