it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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