girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You are a genius and a whore.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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