dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
