Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
