Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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