I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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