Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
