I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
pray to the hookup gods
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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