You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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