my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
