Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
