none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
