I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
