I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
