I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
