We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
