We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just forgot I was standing up.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
