I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
