It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
