I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
