bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We were destined to go to rehab together
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
