Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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