The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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