I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
