Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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