i'm signing you up for texting rehab
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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