she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
