He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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