Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Randomize
