areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
