my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
